The M&M diet

As someone who has always failed at dieting, I've learned one thing. All diets work great for the first 10 days. Then, something happens. It's too complicated, or I crave a certain forbidden food, I'm at a party and there's nothing I'm allowed to eat. Too much math - points systems or calorie counting. 

I figure why not just eat something really tasty for a couple of weeks exclusively and then I'll be so sick of it I'll be able to use restraint in the future.

Hence, I propose the M&M diet.  Here's how it works.  I eat nothing but M&Ms for 10 days.  I will have plenty of energy from the caffeine in the chocolate, (think rabid squirrel energy.  I'll get so much done!)  And enough calories to keep my organs going. 

By the end of the 10 days, I will likely have the runs so bad from having no fiber and will have lost some weight.  How much weight?  Depends on how many M&Ms I eat each day, I guess.   If every day I ate the Costco size bag that comes with it's own ziploc, I probably won't lose any weight actually.  Plus, I'd have to spend some serious money to redecorate my bathroom if I was going to spend that much time in it.  And get one of those cushioned toilet seats (they still make those, right?).

Hmm.  I guess the whole "eat healthy and get off the damn couch" will have to do for now.

Use It Or Lose It

I have gained and lost many skills in my 41-1/2 years... Spanish, cooking, dance moves.

Well, technically, I still have the dance moves. They're just firmly rooted in the late 80's, early 90's. They really only look great at weddings now since that's the only place to hear songs from that era.

Toothbrush of Doom

This morning my 7 YO brushed his teeth with The Toothbrush of Doom, ate his Cereal of Doom and got on The Bus of Doom. 

Thank you Indiana Jones.

Cooperisms: Chubby

Cooper (age 7): Mom, I love kissing your cheek. It's so smooth and chubby.

The School Bus Makes Me Cook

Well it seems it's time for my annual blog post... holy crap. Seriously? A year?! Anyway. So something about the school bus makes me want to cook. Not just like a PB & J or anything. Oh no. I'm talking serious, "other people will want to eat this" kind of cooking. The kind of food I want to eat. Chef food. There's just one problem. I'm not a chef. My husband is, but when he's cooking I'm too busy with a bottle of wine to pay much attention. There's another problem. We have an (almost) 7 year old who is a picky eater. I don't want to eat chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. And I want he and I to eat the same foods in hopes of loosening the picky-eater hold over him. You know, the old "don't make separate meals" thing. I try. So, I've been cooking. And some of it is actually good. Like, really not bad! My plan is share of that here or on another blog. Before next year.

Don't Let Drunk Facebooking Happen To You! - FREE SOCIAL MEDIA SOBRIETY TEST

This press release came across my desk today.... How long have I needed this, right?


"THE SOCIAL MEDIA SOBRIETY TEST" CAMPAIGN LAUNCH:

Don't Let Drunk Facebooking Happen To You!

November 3, 2010, Boulder, CO -- Just in time for Thanksgiving
vacations, holiday office parties and New Year's Eve celebrations, an
Internet security company and an advertising agency have teamed to
launch a new free browser extension, The Social Media Sobriety Test.
Designed as the ultimate "bad idea" protector, The Social Media
Sobriety Test aims to help stamp out posting under the influence --
and let's face it, anyone who imbibes, regularly or not, is
susceptible to online ruin. The free download can be found at
www.socialmediasobrietytest.com.

The Social Media Sobriety Test is a keyboard/mouse-based social-media
blocker that prevents "under-the-influence" posting on sites including
Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Flickr, YouTube and Tumblr, as well as
custom URLs (like blogs) and/or web-based email accounts such as Gmail
or Hotmail. Users can customize which sites they wish to block and at
which hours of the night (and following day) are the most personally
vulnerable. For access to their social media, the consumer has to
pass one of a variety of randomly selected sobriety tests such as
"drag your mouse in a straight line," "type the alphabet backwards,"
or "follow the finger."

The Social Media Sobriety Test is the concept of Webroot, a leading
provider of Internet security for consumers and businesses worldwide,
and TDA Advertising & Design, a full-service advertising and design
agency.

"We're working with Webroot to offer this as a public service to
anyone who enjoys beer, wine or spirits but doesn't enjoy the
over-sharing that often accompanies one too many," says Jeremy
Seibold, Associate Creative Director at TDA Advertising & Design, in
commenting about the introduction of the Social Media Sobriety Test.
"In the old days, all you had to worry about was drunk dialing -- a
randomly placed call to an ex was certainly embarrassing but it was
limited to him/her and maybe a few friends. Today, the consequences
of a stupid blog post or an ill-advised photo can be instantaneously
spread around the globe. It's our hope the Sobriety Test will come
to the aid of all who are in need of its protection."

For more information, or to download the Social Media Sobriety Test,
interested consumers can visit www.socialmediasobrietytest.com.
Browser compatibility includes Chrome, Firefox, Internet Explorer, and
Safari.

Remember, the stupidity you avoid this holiday season could be your own.

###

What are they teaching him?

My son goes to a Spanish immersion preschool and comes home singing these cute little songs in Spanish. I've started taking an adult Spanish class through the school to refresh my own Spanish.

Yesterday, he was singing: "quieres pera mi mama", which roughly translates to "pear like my mom".

As he's merrily singing in the background, "I am NOT a pear," I mumble, furiously typing into my Google translator, moving letters over to see if I could decipher this. "Those CAN'T be the real words", I beg.

"quiere spera mi mama?" = my mom wants spera. (That's not it. I don't even know what spera is.)

Then it hit me: "que espera mi mama" = waiting for my mom. Aha! "Do you sing this when you sit on the rug waiting for the teacher to open the door at the end of class?" I ask him. "Yes!" he says. Whew! My Spanish classes are paying off!

So then I made the mistake of telling my 5yo comic genius the real way to say it, and the reason the other way was wrong. He thought me being a pear was hilarious and now sings "quieres pera mi mama" with even more enthusiasm. *sigh*.