The M&M diet

As someone who has always failed at dieting, I've learned one thing. All diets work great for the first 10 days. Then, something happens. It's too complicated, or I crave a certain forbidden food, I'm at a party and there's nothing I'm allowed to eat. Too much math - points systems or calorie counting. 

I figure why not just eat something really tasty for a couple of weeks exclusively and then I'll be so sick of it I'll be able to use restraint in the future.

Hence, I propose the M&M diet.  Here's how it works.  I eat nothing but M&Ms for 10 days.  I will have plenty of energy from the caffeine in the chocolate, (think rabid squirrel energy.  I'll get so much done!)  And enough calories to keep my organs going. 

By the end of the 10 days, I will likely have the runs so bad from having no fiber and will have lost some weight.  How much weight?  Depends on how many M&Ms I eat each day, I guess.   If every day I ate the Costco size bag that comes with it's own ziploc, I probably won't lose any weight actually.  Plus, I'd have to spend some serious money to redecorate my bathroom if I was going to spend that much time in it.  And get one of those cushioned toilet seats (they still make those, right?).

Hmm.  I guess the whole "eat healthy and get off the damn couch" will have to do for now.

Use It Or Lose It

I have gained and lost many skills in my 41-1/2 years... Spanish, cooking, dance moves.

Well, technically, I still have the dance moves. They're just firmly rooted in the late 80's, early 90's.

Toothbrush of Doom

This morning my 7 YO brushed his teeth with The Toothbrush of Doom, ate his Cereal of Doom and got on The Bus of Doom. 

Thank you Indiana Jones.

Cooperisms: Chubby

Cooper (age 7): Mom, I love kissing your cheek. It's so smooth and chubby.

What are they teaching him?

My son goes to a Spanish immersion preschool and comes home singing these cute little songs in Spanish. I've started taking an adult Spanish class through the school to refresh my own Spanish.

Yesterday, he was singing: "quieres pera mi mama", which roughly translates to "pear like my mom".

As he's merrily singing in the background, "I am NOT a pear," I mumble, furiously typing into my Google translator, moving letters over to see if I could decipher this. "Those CAN'T be the real words", I beg.

"quiere spera mi mama?" = my mom wants spera. (That's not it. I don't even know what spera is.)

Then it hit me: "que espera mi mama" = waiting for my mom. Aha! "Do you sing this when you sit on the rug waiting for the teacher to open the door at the end of class?" I ask him. "Yes!" he says. Whew! My Spanish classes are paying off!

So then I made the mistake of telling my 5yo comic genius the real way to say it, and the reason the other way was wrong. He thought me being a pear was hilarious and now sings "quieres pera mi mama" with even more enthusiasm. *sigh*.

And The Evil Mommy...

My 4yo son wanted me to take him to the sticker book store. I told him, when we went yesterday, to get what you want because we won't be coming back here until at least next week. He's been asking me all. day. long. to take him to the sticker book store (Barnes & Noble) again today. I keep saying 'not until next week'. So he drew this picture of me. Apparently, this is what I look like when I say no. I'm such an evil mommy.

(those are tears, which I didn't start shedding until AFTER I saw this picture and almost peed myself laughing.)
Isn't he a great artist?! I think he captured me perfectly!